


The Rise and Fall of Macdonalds.

by illumizoldyck



Category: Hunter X Hunter, Neon Genesis Evangelion, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Bullying, Cannibalism, Crack, Crossover, FUCK, Falling In Love, M/M, Macdonalds AU, Messy, Mild Gore, Multi, One Shot, dio and kaworu work at macdonalds and rohan is the manager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 04:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9161302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illumizoldyck/pseuds/illumizoldyck
Summary: written by me and @nibblu (on wattpad)a true masterwork of our time.(its a mess)





	

Dio has a knack for shoving his pride up other people’s asses but, in his current situation its somewhat hard to do. How can a mcdonald's co-worker shove the pride of flipping patties and deep frying sliced potatoes up someone's ass? Well, if you knew anything about Dio; you would know that if there’s a will, there is most definitely a way. 

 

Shinji Ikari was minding his own business, just trying to make a living. It was hard to make a living when you don’t have the will to live. All thanks to a certain someone making his life hell. Dio Brando. What a fucker. 

 

With a hungry stomach and a broken heart, Shinji entered the seemingly cozy mcdonalds that his friend would often mention in the group chat after roasting him to the point where he often would think of suicide. It was like any other mcdonalds he has seen, but something about it just screamed ‘rough anal hairs’ and ‘bara titties’, an unusual emotion for him since he was such a pussy. He never came into contact with such manly vibes before, but he somehow found himself enjoying it.

 

Seeing that he was the only person in this entire mcdonald's, he went straight (or gay in this case) to the register and mentally prepared himself to order. His brownish blue orbs scanned the menu, looking to see if there was anything he would want. Usually, he would order the breakfast oatmeal mixed with strawberries and blueberries because for some reason he thought he was a fucking vegan but today he was feeling like a carnivore and wanted something meat related. That’s when he saw the hot-spicy; despite him never having that before, the name sounded good to him so he figured it would be a delicious meal for the day.

 

Shinji looked up from his celebrity gossip magazine, wondering why angelina jolie broke up with brad pitt. To his surprise, he saw his friend (crush) Kaworu Nagisa behind the counter. He seemed to be playing around with...him...fucking...Dio Brando. He thought about going over to talk to his beloved kaworu but then thought how embarrassing it would be when Dio starts roasting him. Life is a cruel angel. Moments later, he saw a tall slender but muscular man who looked hot and totally ripped walk up behind the two and hit them on their heads with a roll of paper towels

 

“Am I paying you idiots to talk?” Yelled the man with the weird thing on his head. It was sort of like those hats you get in christmas crackers. What the fuck? 

“Piss off, Rohan.” Dio mumbled. Rohan, their manager was about half his size.

“I apologize, Rohan-San. It was my fault, I shouldn’t have distracted Dio-San.” Kaworu’s voice was as smooth as silk and as sweet as candy corn. Shinji would die to just be able to be around him. He probably likes Dio though, that assfuck.

 

Shinji furrowed his eyebrows at the thought of someone as sweet as Kaworu being intrigued by someone as horrible as Dio. ‘Is it possible for an angel to fall for a demon?’ was all that the brunette twink could question to himself. After all, Shinji compared to Dio was like comparing a puddle to a mountain. Not only that, wasn’t Shinji being selfish? All he was craving was the sweet embrace of a man, and he wanted that man to be Kaworu. 

 

Rolling his eyes, Dio looked over to see Shinji, who was sitting down with a daily woman’s magazine. Mentally hissing, Dio stuck his index finger towards the boy “Why is the fag here?”. Upon hearing the word ‘fag’, Kaworu’s eyes lit up in delight, “Shinji!” Kaworu called as he turned to Shinji’s direction. In a bashful manner, Shinji waved and gave the two males a smile.

 

“Hi guys..” he muttered. In a joyful manner, Kaworu walked towards Shinji and took his hands into a hold. Their fingers intertwined and locked together until two basically became one. The sudden warmth from Shinji’s sweaty and greasy hands collided with Kaworu’s cold and clean ones, triggering a blush to form on both of their faces. The two locked eye contact together for what seemed an eternity, until Dio scuffed.

 

“Gayyyyyyy.”  Dio pretentiously called out while watching the two lovebirds from behind the counter. 

“Shit-ji,” That was Dio’s special nickname for him,”Why are you such a mega asswipe? Kaworu will get fired if you distract him like that, The fuck dude.”

The two looked flustered, 

“Um, you should get back to work I guess..” Shinji muttered. Defeated

“I get off soon anywa-”

It was then that a whole tomato flew at incredibly fast speed hitting Shinji in the face, it exploded everywhere, Shinji was knocked to the ground.

 

“DIO???” Kaworu screamed at the tall blonde man.

By this time  Dio had already turned around, pretending it wasn’t him. 

 

“What? Me? I would never.” He dramatically wiped away an invisible tear, while Kaworu was forming _ real  _ tears in his eyes. His friend has been knocked unconscious by a tomato! Who else would be strong enough to do that????

As Kaworu knelt down to pick Shinji up he saw another large muscular man sitting in a booth reading a book about dolphins. Maybe it was him? The man got up, he was TALL. He began walking out of the restaurant when Kaworu grabbed his sleeve.

 

“Why would you do such a thing to Shinji-kun?” The grey haired boy asked, tearful and angry.

Jotaro stood there staring at him for a few seconds, then looked even further down to stare at the sleeping Shinji for a few more seconds, he then turned around and tried walking out the door, 

“You think you can throw a tomato at Shit-ji and get away with it, bastard??” Dio yelled while making fries, “Tell us why you did it!” He demanded.

The large dolphin lover began to sweat.

“Um. I don’t recall doing any such thing..” He adjusted his large hat.

“What the HELL is going on here?” Manager Rohan stormed into the scene. 

Ignoring Rohan, Kaworu reached up to pull the taller man by the shirt, but he failed.

“YOU LIAR” Kaworu yelled in a deep voice, how could he think he was going to get away with murder?

 

Rohan furiously walked up to the three and stood on something squishy. He looked down to find Shinji on the floor.

He closed his eyes and held his temple for a few seconds.

 

“Can someone please. Tell me. Why there is a paying. Customer. KNOCKED OUT ON THE FUCKING FLOOR?”, he then looked up to find an overwhelmingly handsome customer, his shirt being lifted up by one of his most trusted employees. Rohan blushed like a schoolgirl.

 

“KAWORU PLEASE” He whacked his small hands away from the man and pushed him aside.

 

“I’m terribly sorry about him. I have no idea what’s going on here but to make up for it I’ll give you a free meal-” Rohan said worriedly, pretending to be nice.

 

“Um, It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” The man said, tipping his stupid hat as Kaworu picked up Shinji grudgingly

 

In the mists of things, the mcdonald’s door quietly opened and in that moment; an older man covered in rags snaked in. The elder man took a deep whif of air and scanned the perimeter for a moment. His eyes started glowing when he saw splattered tomato. Growling, the mysterious man crawled towards kawruo, and yanked shinjitie out of kawuros embrace. Before kawuro could even speak, the assumed homeless man began licking the splattered tomatoe off of shinigite’s face violently as if he was licking a hairless asshole. 

 

Dio and everyone else in the room watched in pure curiosity and amazement. None of them had ever seen a man lick for their dear life. Kaworu then realized what was happening and punched the older man in the face and the sexy homeless man, Ging Freeccs fell to the floor.

 

“?????!??” Kaworu was speechless. So was everyone else, except for Dio who already had his phone out and was taking pictures. “ZA WORLD STAR” he cheered as he angled his camera in different directions while recording.

  
The licker rubbed his face groaning in pain, “Damn kid.” was all he could say before he got stomped on repeatedly by Rohan.  Dio was feeling left out and also wanted to inflict pain. Biting his bottom lip, Dio took the hot fry grease and slung towards the man on the floor getting stomped.

Ging screamed and started clawing at his eyes. In a panic, Rohan stomped Ging’s throat in an attempt to hush him. Rohan’s rough stomping caused Ging’s throat to break and killed him instantly.

“Oh my God” Kaworu whispered as he covered his mouth with a free hand. Dio shrugged and went in the back to gather a knife and a bag. He came back to the group and took Ging by his feet and carelessly dragged him in the back kitchen.

“Well, it’ll be bad to just let this go to waste. This is free patties.” he commented casually, humming as he did so. Kaworu sat there shook, tears threatening to leak from his eyes.  Shinji’s eyes shot open and leaned up, lying in Kaworu’s lap.  The scent of blood entered into his nose, which caused him to break out into a cold sweat. 

“What happen-” He looked over and saw Ging’s dead body. There was blood and tomato juice everywhere. He fainted instantly. 

Kaworu gently placed Shinji’s head on the floor and followed Dio in the back to help him make patties.  

Rohan and Jotaro both stood in the restaurant, not knowing what to do. Rohan looked over to the beautiful man,

“Sorry about that”

“No prob” He replied bluntly.

Rohan kept glancing over at Jotaro, blushing. 

“Are you..single…..” He asked, suddenly shy. Jotaro sighed,

“How about we have some of those burgers they’re cooking?”

“Rohan was delighted at this. “It’s a date!”


End file.
